


When Things Come Crashing Down

by IvyCpher



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Crying, Gen, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21552478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyCpher/pseuds/IvyCpher
Summary: All Remus wishes for is for the light sides to like them, they try their best but nothing ever seems to go as planned for them.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit Sanders
Comments: 16
Kudos: 93





	When Things Come Crashing Down

It wasn't that Remus didn't know that they were off-putting, they knew it very well. And it wasn't always their fault believe it or not, sometimes ideas just popped into their head and they had to say them or otherwise they felt like they would go crazy. But they wouldn't deny that sometimes they just said things for the pleasure of seeing the other sides cringe.

But no matter where their crazy thoughts came from or for whatever reason Remus had to say them,  _ because _ they said them, none of the sides liked to interact with them. Of course there was always Dee, the one side who always managed to get past Remus' crazy thoughts and impulse ideas, but sometimes just Dee wasn't enough for Remus. Sometimes they wanted the affection and attention of the other sides. Of Logan, Patton, Virgil, and Roman, oh especially Roman…

Remus remembered how they and Roman used to be so close! How they used to do everything together, but then.. Just one day they split apart and Roman acted like they didn't exist. Oh out of all of their fellow sides to have a good relationship with, Remus would give everything in their power to have one with Roman. Their brother who they cared so deeply for. Their brother who hated them.

And even though every time Remus tried to do something, anything with any of the light sides, they always turned them down or went to do sudden engagements that they had previously forgotten, Remus still kept on trying to befriend them. They knew that they would like them if they just gave them a chance! That if they tried hard enough to be good that the other sides would notice that they weren't so bad after all.

That's what Remus told themself at least. They didn't like to think about the alternative possibility that the others would just never like them at all.

***

Remus took a deep breath and pushed their hair out of their eyes, which in turn just made it look more messy. They didn't mind that, however, or they didn't really notice it. There was always something about them that was messy or crooked one way or another.

"It's a new day, Remus!" They said brightly to their mirror, grinning. Along the mirrors frame there were pictures tapped up. Pictures of them and Roman when they were little, pictures of them and Dee together, and even a picture of all of the light sides together. But they didn't take their eyes of their reflection. "Time to make everyone like you! You didn't cause that much trouble for Thomas or anyone this week, you only made him Google gross things twice!" They pumped their fist in the mirror.

When Remus turned away from their mirror, their reflection stayed there, waving at them as they left their room. "You got this!" They shouted as Remus closed the door.

As they walked out of their room and down the hall, Remus straightened their sash. They had a good feeling about today. When they turned the corner from the hallway into the living room they saw everyone there on the couch; Roman was scribbling away in a book, Virgil was leaning against him with his headphones on and eyes closed, and on the other end there was Logan and Patton who were chatting away while Patton did his nails.

Remus waited there a second for them to realize that they were there, but after they didn't Remus instead walked further into the room. "Hey, guys!" They grinned waving.

Apparently this was not the best way for Remus to great their fellow sides.

Patton's head jerked up from doing Logan's nails and he dropped the nail polish brush, a tearing noise came from Roman where he had pressed his pencil down do hard that he ripped his paper, and Virgil had jumped up on to the back of the couch and hissed like some stray cat. The only one of them who looked even remotely normal was Logan, who usually wasn't very much affected by Remus, even when they were purposely trying to be annoying.

"Uh- Hey, Remus," Patton said in a strained voice, he didn't at all sound like his usual cheery self. "You need something?"

"Well I just got some new adult colouring books and I wanted to know if yinz guys wanted to break them out with me!"

Logan pushed up his glasses carefully with a black painted nail that was still wet, there was a confused expression on his face. "Since when has Thomas ever lived in Pennsylvania to ever have picked up that slang word?"

Remus blinked, smiling bemusedly. "What the shit are you talking about?"

"'Yinz' as you said, is a western Pennsylvanian slang term." Logan said simply.

Roman ripped his ripped paper out of his book and tossed it onto the coffee table. "Not that I don't love you knowing slang, Four-Eyes," Roman said, "But you don't even know  _ regular  _ slang, why are you learning slang that's not even native to Florida?"

And Remus stayed where they were, on the edge of the room, being excluded and listening to the other's talk without them. None of them had even answered their question… "So does anyone want to colour with me?" They asked hopefully, their smile quickly leaving their lips.

"No," Virgil said over Logan and Roman, who were bickering over slang terms. He was still sitting stiffly on the back of the couch, with one ear bud out and his arms crossed tightly about his chest. "Besides who apart from you would want to colour in  _ adult colouring books _ ?" He crinkled his nose in disgust. "That's just gross man."

For once in their life it actually took Remus a second to pick up on what a dirty minded person would've clicked together immediately, "Oh! Pff, no these books aren't pornographic! But it would actually be really cool for pornographic colouring books to be a thing.." They went quiet for a second, thinking about the possibilities of pornographic colouring books, but then remembered where they were. "No these are just your average swear word colouring books!"

"Oh.. Well," Patton gave Remus a sympathetic look, biting the inside of his cheek. "Sorry, but I'm busy.. Maybe next time?"

_ Next time. _

"Yeah, sure!" Remus said quickly, not even waiting for the others to answer. They knew that they would say the same thing. "Next time I'll actually get those pornographic ones!" They winked and quickly left the living room, feeling like shit.

When Remus walked into their room, they let their walls down and lost whatever little composure they had. They started sobbing. They covered their face with their hand and forced themself to breathe.

In their mirror, their reflection was still there. "It didn't go well, did it?" They asked quietly.

" ** _Oh, go away!_** " Remus spat, their voice darkening. They threw their hand up at the mirror and the glass cracked inside of its frame, now looking broken and jagged.

With a yell their reflection left the mirror.

Remus stood there, tears rolling down their cheeks and their chest heaving. They looked at the broken mirror, and in it saw themself perfectly.  _ Broken. Broken. They were broken and that's why no one liked them.  _

Remus screamed and jumped on to their bed. They pulled at their hair and they rubbed their fists into their eyes. They felt like going to Dee, but they didn't want to, they didn't want him.

And when the tears stopped, Remus just layed there in their bed, hardly thinking and breathing hard. Then the idea hit them. If they couldn't have the real versions of the other sides… then they would make their own versions. Slowly Remus stood up, they couldn't tell if they felt like they were shaking or if they really were, but they didn't really care.

Without really thinking about it, Remus clapped their hands together and a doll fell into their lap. They picked it up. It had messy brown hair, with a little golden crown sewn upon its head, and bright red, button eyes. It was a little Roman. Remus turned the doll over in their hands, it looked like Roman in every way. Even it's little sash and bright smile were all in the same. Slowly, Remus clutched the doll to their chest and they felt tears welling in their eyes again. If those tears ever came though, they didn't notice. They were too busy clapping their hands and summoning another doll.

Another one fell into their lap.

This doll had the Roman doll's same messy hair but it was pushed back and somehow contained. It had fake black glasses sewn to its face, and navy buttons for its eyes. Logan.

Keeping the Roman doll in their arms, Remus picked up the Logan doll and examined it. It had the same candy cane striped tie on its chest and the same little smile that if you were lucky enough, could see the real Logan brandishing. Remus too tucked the Logan doll into the crook of their arm with the Roman doll. They clapped their hands and another doll appeared.

The new doll wore a black hoodie covered in purple patches, its hood covered its face but Remus already know who the doll was: Virgil. They pulled back the hood and saw the doll's dark, violet button eyes and little gray circles under them. Along with a frown, the doll had untidy dark brown hair. Remus clutched this doll close just like all the others.

They remembered the last time the Virgil had let them get this close.. When Virgil was still one of  _ them _ , a dark side. Remus had thought that they had gotten along so well then. They pulled the doll away from their chest for a second to look at it again. Just them, Virgil, and Dee… Things seemed so much better then.

Remus shook their head, a lock of pale white hair falling in their eyes. They didn't bother to move it as they clapped their hands and a final doll appeared. A little doll with pastel blue button eyes, messy brown curls, and a happy smile. Remus picked it up. Over its button eyes it had the same dark glasses sewn on that the Logan doll had. They felt the soft grey cardigan tied around its shoulders and wondered vaguely if the real Patton's cardigan was just as soft.

The Patton doll went into Remus' arms with the others and they held them as close and as tight as they possibly could. They laid back and closed their eyes, wishing that they were with the real sides instead of the dolls that looked so much like them. But if dolls were all that Remus got… Well they weren't going to complain. They were used to less.

And in the living room of the mind palace, Roman, Logan, Virgil, and Patton were all overcome with the strange feeling that they were all being hugged.

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea from a conversation in the Remus' Closet group chat on Tumblr. I know I usually write fluff or even when I do write angst it's with a happy ending but, I just haven't been feeling it lately. So wahoo.
> 
> And for the love of Jesus Bloody Christ on the cross, if someone utters a word in a negative tone about Remus being nonbinary in this fic I will shove a salt lamp rock up every orifice you have.
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated!!!


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